The Woes of Fashion: II

I love fashion.
But I'm not a fashionista.

At the beginning of my treatment, I was encouraged to look at how the fashion world influences me. 
I was embarassed to admit that the standards of beatuy and body image was highly influencial. 
Being a more curvy and fuller figure woman, it is upsetting to see clothing on mostly thin models. 

I made some choices to limit my exposure to the fashion world.
I just need some time away to grow and develop confidence.

The Woes of Fashion

Reflecting on the last eleven weeks... There has been a startling amount of people with eating disorders who have been (or still) involved in the fashion world.  It's a sad realization that media can have a powerful impact on self-esteem and body image. 

Three days straight with Extra-Strength Cold Syrup has resulted in an intense "brain fart" sense of mind.

It's a good thing.

Instead of being the super emo, the unpleasant to be around, kind.

The little things make me giddy and entertained.

Which is a little nicer to be around.

(Click here if above doesn't play)

This video is dedicated to a friend. 

After seeing this video, I get the hotness factor of Adam Levine.

I take back my "really"s and "seriously"s.  

However, I still think that Captain America is way hotter.

Do I Even Need to do a Disclaimer?!

Hopefully not.  

But just in case...

I feel like there is a responsibility to at least say that at no point am I ever recommending someone to do what I am doing.  This is my own personal journey and while other things have been trailed in the past to fix my distorted thinking... This is the first time that I am sharing it with everyone or anyone who is interested as opposed to a very close network of supports.  

Some of the reasons to why I decided to openly share is that I would like to be able to reach out to other people who may be experiencing similar situation, along other who have stories & advice to share.  My intention is not to provide advice in any way.  Just to discuss and share experiences.  

Blogging has encouraged me to be more open.  It's interesting that the level of disclosure seems to increase as your identify becomes more anonymous. In my experience,  blogging made it easier to ask and answer the questions I usually avoid when in a face-to-face group dynamic.  Because I'm a master at avoidance, these questions are important to bring up and address.  Especially when they are making me feel uneasy, anxious and or sad.

Even though I am not giving out advice...

I do hope that if there is someone out there reading this who feels similar to what I do, that they will feel inspired to seek out help.  Whatever the help may be, I hope that it helps that person find happiness and self-appriciation.  

The Woes of Fashion

Recently I attended an event which for me, brought out the elephant in the room about the fashion industry. 

The idolization of thinness.

Maybe not everyone desires to be thin like I do, but in the modeling industry being thin still appears to be a must.  One example: Did you know that "high-end fashion models" mean that the model must fit the mold of being tall and underweight?!  This newly acquired information came from a modeling agent that I met.  According to him being a any size over a 24 inch waist, doesn't cut it.  Meeting this agent caused a lot of distress for me, his words and view on beauty cut deep.  Really, he paid no attention to me, nor did I care especially after I heard what he really expected from his models.  Thinness. 

For someone who has struggled with body image issues and has a constant battle with food hearing someone talk about thinness as being a must was hurtful.  This agent had a measuring tape around his neck  the whole night and confessed that it was always there in order to measure when needed.  What broke my heart the most was how the models, who were all very young girls, confessed that being the measurements was the hardest part of modeling. All I could think was about that measuring tape, that it was probably a constant reminder to stay thin.   It's sad and an upsetting situation. Thinking about this, leaves me with so many question and frustration. 

Through out fashion history there has been many evolutions of the ideal body image and even recently there is a subtle shift to more healthy and different body types.  I really hope that attitudes of most people in the fashion industry can and will change to a more healthy view of beauty.  One part of that change must come from us, the consumers and fashionistas.