Friday, October 8, 2010

It was triggered by not being able to find a thing to wear for work.

Most of my "professional attire" is about 1-2 years old. Usually I don't care about when clothes were made or how long it's been in my closet (since you can always pair and wear items differently). But I have lost weight over the year. As well as looking exhausted and blotchy.

I'm disgusted at the part of me that it happy about this weight loss. It hasn't been because of a healthy lifestyle but stress causing the slimming down. At least I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I struggle with body image issues. One doctor says it's an eating disorder, another body dysmorhpic disorder. It doesn't matter.

The outfit I went with was meh.
Of course the first lady I see at work readjusts my skirt because its "puckering" at the back. That was embarrassing. The rest of the day went by in a blur. Today we head off to Kingston to see family for the Thanksgiving weekend. Hopefully my spirits lift.


Krista said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You should want to lose weight to feel good, not bad! Just remember good feelings should trump the bad ones always. I love the third outfit pick, something about that green and that purple that works well.

Ashelle said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Krista Bah, oh Krista!! I wish it was that easy! It's like the bad thoughts consume any good that might pop into my head. I know that it's only up to me to get a grip, but it's exhausting trying to deal with all these thoughts and insecurities. My Shrink is helping tho, but I have to do shit that I have avoided like weighing myself, allowing myself to feel emotions that I usually shut off and really looking at the "whole me" in the mirror. It's emotionally draining. Urg.

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