Time to Reflect

After posting about my emotional day yesterday, the responses were comforting and supportive.  It means a lot to read such wonderful words. Thank you everyone for being so sweet.  When I started this blog, I didn’t want to have a “theme” but I did want to write about my emotions & issues.  Fashion is something that I have always been interested in and it’s nice to be able to connect with so many talented fashionistas...  As much as I like it, still feels like a foreign world to me. Being "emo" on the other hand, that's something I'm used to.  It's been about 7 years since I have been officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety & an eating disorder.  As far as I can remember, I was like this.  Usually I deal by hiding, writing in my diary, talking to a select few then pushing most people away.

I’ve stopped seeing a Psychologist for therapy.  Mostly it’s due to financial reasons but there is a little part of me that found it unhelpful.  The therapy was mostly looking mostly at things from my childhood and then a little bit of cognitive behaviour therapy.  We weren't on the same page when I told her that this is always the way that I have been, the Psychologist was convinced it had to do with my childhood.  

But I need to start thinking about what I have learned... the time & money invested into the Psychologist can't go to waste... This morning I spent time just thinking and writing down what I have learned about myself and possible reasons why I'm so sad.  Right now I don't think I can post what I wrote... but one day I will share.  

Some reasons why I started this blog? well... 

1) To work through my issues in a form that’s comfortable.  Blogging is great because at some level my posts are anonymous.  Yes there are people out there that have known me for a long time or that I have met recently but for the most part, people just know me as emo-Ashelle who lives somewhere in Canada’s capital.  

2) To practice more positive thinking & activities.  Like I said above, usually I hide and push people away but now I'm connecting.   Virtually, yes but research shows it's the same deal as in "real life".  Also, I'm taking pictures of myself which is always anxiety provoking and ends in most pictures being deleted. But baby steps... maybe one day I'll be comfortable with it. Then,  I try to write as many positive posts as negative. 

3) To connect with others who might feel similar to what I do... and to get support.  Also, there's a part of me that hopes one day it will be all better and that people who might feel similar to what I do, feeling like there's no way change can happen. That those people will be encouraged to seek help and become happier.  We all deserve happiness. 

I think that's all I got right now.