Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Survival of First Day

Looking back on yesterday it feels so surreal.  A lot of my fears weren't exactly eased but I do feel a bit more comfortable with returning today.  

Before starting the day I got some unpleasant news, which there was no way for me to control or fix.  This is definitely something that bothers me and set the morning up to be more disconnected from what was happening around me.  And by "bother", I really mean it causes anxiety and restriction on my intake.  

Eating complete meals which were chosen for me at lunch and dinner under the supervision of others, was a hard thing for me to deal with.  I became self-conscious on how I looked, what they thought of me and the expanding bloat of my stomach.  Come to think of it, I was worried about these things the whole time I was there.   

By the time I came home, all I wanted to do was rest.  Instead I picked fights with Chris and refused the fully reflect on the day.  I feel bad for being mean to him.  Even thought I still feel like he was provoking the fights as much as I was... I probably should apologize.  

Hopefully today goes a little bit better.

6 comments:

Shybiker said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hang tight, buddy. This isn't easy.

Kat said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thinking of you - you have my support. One day at a time.

Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Whew, you made it through the first day...good job! In spite of how the day started, I hope it's satisfying just knowing you did it. It's like exercising when you don't want to or anything else in life you sort of dread doing; once you finally get the nerve up and go that first time, it's not as hard going subsequent times until you get adjusted to it and realize, hey, this is a really good thing for me; what was I so worried about? Sorry that the day started out rough...I don't know why things seem to happen like that on a day when you could really have used some positivity to start it out with. But you still went and dealt with it. I think arguing when you got home is probably such a normal thing after having a stressful day; lots of pent-up emotions going on in your head, no doubt, and they have to come out somehow. I think as you get used to going, you will find you're better able to come home and talk about how it went and get it out of your system. I know you like avoidance :), but I hope the program teaches you how to face things head on. Once you face them head on, it's sort of like the exercise thing I mentioned earlier - suddenly they don't seem nearly as daunting, and you find yourself hurdling over them.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Each day will get easier. Even though the prepared meals is stressful give yourself up to them. they know what they are doing, they will not set you up to boomer rang!With your psychology background you know it in your heart. Your family and it would appear some good friends are backing you all the way <3 One day at a time boo

20 York Street said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hello darling!

I just want to check in with you and see how you are feeling these days? I hope all is well, we are always thinking of you!

besos,
ML
Bonjour, come say hello!
Twenty York Street
http://www.twentyyork.com/2011/06/i-am-fashion-are-you.html

Twenty York Street

Marcia B. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Glad you made it through the first day! Take it easy and have a great week! xox

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