Friday, November 18, 2011

Dear Blog, 
it's been a while.  I can use the countless excuses for this time away. Such as the internet on my iMac wasn't connecting, up until now when I threatened it with Mr. Hammer.  But excuses can get lame after a while. Plus I tend to be an "on & off" kind of blogger anyways.

It's been about a month since I was discharged from the Eating Disorder Program.  The last four weeks have been a challenge.  It was a difficult adjustment back into the real world without the regular support of the girls and trained professionals.  Now, I'm having to make an active effort to reach out to people for support when I'm feeling stressed.  For me, admitting that I need help or even to expressing feelings is a hard thing to do.  I would prefer to put up a front and let people believe that I am doing well.  

Even though I have been doing relatively well, there has been tiny "slips".  In the ED Program, we refer to a serving of food as "exchanges".  It makes meal planning easier when we can look our day in terms of exchanges needed for every 3-4 hours.  But there has been days where I do not eat all the exchanges needed for a complete meal plan.  Not eating for me, is easier then eating.  So when I "miss" these exchanges, it can go unnoticed by myself if I'm not careful.

If it wasn't for a migraine that kicked my ass and good friends (including my love, Chris) who keep me in check, I might have gone down the road of a full relapse in less then a month of being discharged.

The last week I have tried to make a more conscious effort to ensure that all of my exchanges are eaten.  Even though the intensive 14 week ED Program was a different and difficult process, I think that the adjustment back into the real world will be even tougher.  It's now all on me to make sure that I keep to the meal plan, seek out support and stay on track to a healthier life style.   

I'll be returning to work on Monday, and I'm looking forward to getting back into a more normal routine.  Plus, it will be nice to see colleagues after the five month leave. 


Shybiker said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks for the report, Ash. While you sound ambivalent about your progress, I see real growth. Some backsliding is always to be expected; what we want is general forward momentum and you obviously have that going for you. I'm glad you're including us in your life.

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Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ash!!! Remember lil ole me? ;) I'm trying to play catch-up and want you to know that just cuz I haven't been in touch doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you.

I'm thrilled to hear you made it through those tough weeks and finished the program! Woohoo! I think recognizing that things might not be easy in the real world is the first step to success because that might help keep you on your game better. I think you also have every right to be very optimistic and should assume you are going to thrive. And even when you have setbacks or times when you don't get all the exchanges, it doesn't mean you've failed, so try not to beat yourself up for it. I think Ally hit the nail on the head about general forward momentum. I'm so glad you've got a good support system around you to help you as well. I hope you were able to get a lot of useful tools out of the program that will help you eventually make eating well a lifestyle rather than something that feels forced. I think you are well on your way.

My little lady is snoozing away in her baby wrap right now but wanted me to say hi to you from her! ;)

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