Thursday, November 4, 2010

Emotional Overload

Yesterday feels like it has been so far away.  This will be an "emo-post"... (just warning you) I feel bad for people who read my blog. It's like you never really know what to expect.  So if you are interested in only one aspect, then there must be very many disappointing posts. 


  
Yesterday was Wednesday.  Yes?.. 

It was the day I felt like wrapping myself in the largest most comfortable sweater possible.  The mornings are bitter cold... I can feel a big snow fall coming.  Soon there will be enough snow falls that it will stay on the ground for longer than two days. 


After a long and exhausting day at work, I buckled down for my night class.  The best surprise of yesterday was that my usual three hour class was shortened to just under two.  It was nice to end the day at 10 p.m. 

~*~

Today... It could be the obvious tired-ness.  As you can see the dark circles that sit under my eyes.  But I was beyond emotional.  Every hour my emotional balance swayed from one extreme to another.  From... The best news and most happy moment of the week, which was hearing about the birth of my first niece.  She's a perfect 6 lbs and 6 oz.  Then to... My thoughts are going out to my dad, for the tough decisions that he has to make.  I hate feeling helpless.  He says that he is okay; I only hope that is the truth and not a front.


I'm trying to tap into my artsy side and using this blog as "motivational poking".  Part of that artsy side is fashion.  My closet isn't full of the hottest items or expensive brands.  It's mostly fairly neutral or classic items.  They are easy to pair up, but not always exciting.  I'm hoping to pick up some new ideas or tips on spicing up my wardrobe.  But right now I have no idea what direction I want to go. Everything from goth to preppy to diva to vintage styles interest me.  If only I had an endless amount of clothes to choose from, then I can wear any style, whenever I want.


As much as I love fashion, it's a world that I have to always be careful in.  For me, too much magazines or TV causes me to lapse into old and unhealthy behavioural patterns.  

Unhealthy behavioural patterns.  Sounds interesting?... They aren't.  It's not eating, running myself on empty from morning to late night and purging.  Gross.  But it's a reality.  A reality I know many other girls struggle with.  I feel like it has been glamourized by mainstream media, when it's something that is far from that.  It's scary.  It's scary how even though I know: 1) what I am doing is not healthy, 2) these behaviours can cause serious damage and is potentially fatal, 3) research has show that people are actually attracted to larger than average women and 4) the models I try to be are not "real" but created by a company to sell a product.  I know all of this and still relapse into my "ED-NOS" because I have a fucked up body image and issues.  

Urg.  I was not expecting that rant but oh well.  It's an issue that is way too common in this world.  I just hope that this whole movement towards having more healthy and diverse shaped people portraying beauty hurries the fuck up. 

& Done.

11 comments:

Sweden said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

It's hard to change styles or try to find a new style. I'm in the same boat, for the last like 5 years all i've been wearing is jeans and black or white t-shirts or long sleeved t-shirts. I'm bored with my fashion, and i'm trying to change. I love the Boho look but cant seem to get it together.

That's really sad that you are eating and purging, why?? do you feel fat??
i think you are a very beautiful girl, i hope you get/feel better soon!!

Krista said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I can't imagine a model's life to be that amazing, think of all the traveling they have to do they never get a chance to keep up with relationships, they are always working themselves into the ground, it can't be a great job even if it looks like it.

you should focus your inspiration to real people, people you know, people in the media that are more down to earth and realistic. that's my two cents.

my third cent is you are gorgeous, my eyes don't lie. And i love you.

Collette Osuna said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Love the scarf hunnie....you are a gorgeous girl:)

Stop by and say Hello ♥
I’m the MTV Style Blogger of the Week!!!

Kayraheart.fashion said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

U look adorable...loveing ur blog..
P.S love ur halloween makeup and the costume..
xx

Poppy † said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

`I like it here, adds to the observers count the same;]
Love, Poppy xoxo
www.myliveaspoppy.blogspot.com

Poppy † said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Beautiful photographs !!.
Thank you for your comment;]]
Diet is what I need, I slowly make my tummy for the winter, P
I'm not pretty, you are ;]]
xoxo

Melody said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you're very cool :) amazing blog !

Melrose said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think trying to define a style is overrated... wear what makes you happy at the moment!
And an ED, like anything else that ends up being bad for you, is an addiction, and those thoughts are SO hard o get over. Especially when overcoming it makes you unhappy with your self image... you just need lots of positive reinforcement :) And maybe a gym buddy? Same results, but in a better way.

Oh, and link away my friend!

Ashelle said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sweden fashion can be hard to figure out... at least I find it difficult at times. I restrict and purge because I see myself as being large and unattractive. Rationally I know that this is not the reality because of the sizes I wear and my BMI being 19.5. There are just more days then not when my emotions trump my logic. It’s really pathetic but I am getting help and will hopefully feel better soon.

Krista it’s not so much that I want to be a model but that I base what I see in others at markers for my own goals of “perfection”. I see things about my body that are wrong and ugly, then idolize others, try to be like them.

Collette Osuna & Kayraheart.fashion Thanks for being sweet.

Thanks Poppy † for your kind words and for following.

Thanks Melody for the nice compliment, I’m fairly new at blogging and really enjoy the community.

Melrose Thank you for your words of encouragement. I like the idea of fashion being whatever makes you happy at that moment, it makes it seems so much easier. I am trying to get help, seeing a therapist and working on my body image issues. It’s hard though, but I know that it will be worth it when I feel better one day.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sometimes I wonder if you should have gone the fashion route. you are very talented BUT your clients need your kindness, understanding and knowledge to help them through their difficult times. You are so versatile and multi talented so why would you have only one sense of fashion. \your different looks portray your different sides. And I love all yours sides everyday beautiful young woman.

worldgoesround said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

i have been eating like there is some sort of scarcity of food. i know i am gaining weight and i feel very fat!!! it SUCKS!
but eating is definitely an addiction for me.
i keep hoping it will change, soon. hm. we'll see.

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