Emotional Overload

Yesterday feels like it has been so far away.  This will be an "emo-post"... (just warning you) I feel bad for people who read my blog. It's like you never really know what to expect.  So if you are interested in only one aspect, then there must be very many disappointing posts. 

  

Yesterday was Wednesday.  Yes?.. 

It was the day I felt like wrapping myself in the largest most comfortable sweater possible.  The mornings are bitter cold... I can feel a big snow fall coming.  Soon there will be enough snow falls that it will stay on the ground for longer than two days. 

After a long and exhausting day at work, I buckled down for my night class.  The best surprise of yesterday was that my usual three hour class was shortened to just under two.  It was nice to end the day at 10 p.m. 

~*~

Today... It could be the obvious tired-ness.  As you can see the dark circles that sit under my eyes.  But I was beyond emotional.  Every hour my emotional balance swayed from one extreme to another.  From... The best news and most happy moment of the week, which was hearing about the birth of my first niece.  She's a perfect 6 lbs and 6 oz.  Then to... My thoughts are going out to my dad, for the tough decisions that he has to make.  I hate feeling helpless.  He says that he is okay; I only hope that is the truth and not a front.

I'm trying to tap into my artsy side and using this blog as "motivational poking".  Part of that artsy side is fashion.  My closet isn't full of the hottest items or expensive brands.  It's mostly fairly neutral or classic items.  They are easy to pair up, but not always exciting.  I'm hoping to pick up some new ideas or tips on spicing up my wardrobe.  But right now I have no idea what direction I want to go. Everything from goth to preppy to diva to vintage styles interest me.  If only I had an endless amount of clothes to choose from, then I can wear any style, whenever I want.

As much as I love fashion, it's a world that I have to always be careful in.  For me, too much magazines or TV causes me to lapse into old and unhealthy behavioural patterns.  

Unhealthy behavioural patterns.  Sounds interesting?... They aren't.  It's not eating, running myself on empty from morning to late night and purging.  Gross.  But it's a reality.  A reality I know many other girls struggle with.  I feel like it has been glamourized by mainstream media, when it's something that is far from that.  It's scary.  It's scary how even though I know: 1) what I am doing is not healthy, 2) these behaviours can cause serious damage and is potentially fatal, 3) research has show that people are actually attracted to larger than average women and 4) the models I try to be are not "real" but created by a company to sell a product.  I know all of this and still relapse into my "ED-NOS" because I have a fucked up body image and issues.  

Urg.  I was not expecting that rant but oh well.  It's an issue that is way too common in this world.  I just hope that this whole movement towards having more healthy and diverse shaped people portraying beauty hurries the fuck up. 

& Done.