Day 10. I've been off of work for 10 days.
The biggest fear was not having anything to do resulting in too much TV watching and a depression. Surprisingly for an unemployed individual, I've been keeping my schedule full. Between the necessary appointments; backyard forest has been tamed, 20YS meetings & posts happened, family visits, younger sister's convocation, butterfly cupcakes baked, dreaded housework catch up, rediscovering sewing and landscaping has all kept me busy.
Emotionally I'm not ready to address what needs to be. What I need is reassurance that I had more than work in my life. It might sound silly to some people but I did pride myself on the work that I do. Now, not having work, I'm not too sure what to be proud of. This week showed me that I have more in my life. Even though I might not think of the things that I have done during these 10 days as being accomplishments, there's people in my life who are gratefully for some of those things. Heck, who doesn't like when I bake cupcakes are baked? Especially cupcakes with pink & sparkly butterflies on them.
One decision I think that I might have made is regarding sharing. How much my experience of going through an intensive Eating Disorder treatment program and the days leading up to it. Every person I talk to has the initial reaction that it is mine to keep private and that I have every right to keep it so. However, most tend to change to suggestions that it 1) could be theraputic, and 2) could be helpful to others.
Up until this point, I have consider myself to be fairly open with what I "blog" about. And I don't think that I will reduce the level in which I feel that I'm at now. I believe that it's therapeutic to write something that is visible to others and have responses. And a big part of me hopes to be able to reach out to people who may be feeling similar (or can relate) and wishes for some change. But to share more?
It's not a easy decision to make. People I am close to may feel uncomfortable reading more detailed reports on "how I'm doing" or what's going on with treatment. Then, there's the foolish fact that I have my blog link on Facebook, which means anyone who is interested could easily find this blog. Not too sure if I'm comoftable with everyone from my "344friends" on Facebook having the the easy link to my blog... Probably should erase it. But for some reason I'm partially comfortable with being candid and honest for anyone interested.
4 comments:
I personally love how open you are. It's almost reassuring that someone as beautiful as you has insecurities. I'm battling with my own self-image issues right now, so it feels good to know someone can relate.
We should grab a coffee sometime soon! I feel like we are totally kindred spirits :)
I always admire and respect for being able to talk about this intimate issue, it takes courage and it takes honesty.
As I said before, I think its a great idea if you decide to as I'm absolutely sure it will help someone out there who may be going through something similar!
with prayers for you!
besos,
ML
Bonjour, come say hello!
Twenty York Street
http://www.twentyyork.com/2011/06/i-am-fashion-are-you.html
Twenty York Street
Hey girl, it’s therapeutic to let it all out. Keep us posted on your developments. :)
I know what you mean. There are some things, the more personal ones, in our blog that I wonder how I'd feel about certain people reading. All the same, I'm all for sharing - the more, the better. Women tend to keep the more personal stuff, well, stuffed down. We all go around thinking we're the only one with such-and-such problem. It's not til we start being vulnerable and sharing those things that we all realize, "Hey, I'm not alone; tons of others out there know how I feel, and now I can learn how they cope." Having said all that, it's okay if there are things you'd rather keep private sometimes.
We're rootin' for you! :)
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