I Am a Procrastinator!

One day I will become comfortable with that fact.

Lately I have felt like a bad blogger by not checking in with the beauties I follow as along with not posting all that often.  Now I sit in front of my computer not knowing what I should be posting about.  Really, I should be studying... but I can't bring myself to do it right now. 

Ever since I could remember, I've always procrastinated with studying and other school-related tasks.  Waiting until the last moment to read and make the appropriate notes is my trade mark in school.  In high school I didn't do so well in some classes like math and science, they weren't something I pull off good marks with last minute cramming.  Everything else I did well enough in.  Thankfully I don't do anything close to math or science in my job now, and intuitively get the material needed to do a good job.  Additionally, I'm thankful that my employer doesn't mind me using a calculator/Excel or Google when needed.

In the beginning of February, I started the month full of energy.  I promised myself to wake up with a positive attitude and try confident self-talk.  I promised to not let work get me down and to not leave homework to the last minute.  It's only been eight days into this short month and I already feel exhausted. I keep telling myself that I need to take it one day at a time... but it's hard. 

Being positive & confident is hard. 

What's most frustrating is that I know therapy techniques and that I do have the means of changing... But for whatever reason my brain just won't let that rational side take over the emotional side.  And I know that the emotional part of the brain can be more powerful than the rational cognitive part.... But urg!  That's the point that I'm at right now... "Urg".   

Just Saying "No" to Homework

No.  I don't want to deal with homework.  I don't want to deal with reading. No. No. No.  Why can't I just deal with this exhausting week at work?  The week isn't even over and I am already spent.  Chapters need to read by Friday but only 2 pages out of ???  are completed. Urg. Yes, I procrastinate.  But I also take on unrealistic tasks & expect to unrealistic standards.   

My bed is calling me.

Pre-Exam Worries

Minutes before my exam, waiting in the hall full of students getting in the last minute prep. I opt for blogging. A calmness washes over me. Sitting on an old table after a 40 minute motorcycle ride to gather my thoughts. Chris was kind to drive me in on his CBR600. There's sonething about riding in the back of his bike that calms me.

I feel good about the exam. I feel prepared. Hopefully this feeling lasts until the end of the exam. Tonight will be a nice night, dinner and friends is always a good combo. XO please send positive thoughts my way.

Studying sucks.

Right now, the last thing I want to do is study. The upcoming midterm is really dragging me down.  Tests are really stressful.  I wish that marks didn't matter to me, but I'm.... well a "Type A Personality" kinda-girl.  One day I will be able to study with not worrying about the mark I'll get or the other things going on in my life.  Urg.

Last One until Midterm

I'm distracting myself.  Whenever tests come along, I always tend to get very A.D.D. moments.  Tomorrow the laptop will be shut down, my cell on silent.... and, ya.  Hopefully those tactics allow me to get some good quality studying in.

 A creepy large spider at my mom's place.  

She's by a creek so this guy was about the size of  quarter.  Ew!

Our backyard....

Poor Jake is hating the leash.  It makes me nervous that he doesn't have claws and that the road is fairly busy.  The backyard is in a desperate need to be fixed up.  The fence is buckling because some previous owner piled up soil against it, without some kind of "retaining wall".  Chris and I dug these messy soil piles out of the front yard, it's still about half way completed.  The backyard will be a huge project because it's quite large and has four big trees and a few little ones.  I didn't realize how much maintenance trees are. 

One of my crazy landscaping ideas.  We have two needle trees in the back, which seems to be destroying the lawn.  Chris was told that those needles are toxic 'therefore', kills the soil.  I don't know anything about trees, but I do feel bad about cutting them down.  The rough sketch is my attempt to "save the trees".  Whenever I shouldn't be distracted, I will look up the type of trees and learn some more.

All of these needles... Sadly this was the amount that fell in one week.  We continue to rake, and they continue to shed.  

Do you remember these?

I loved soaking them in ketchup. 

My sister created a super cute blog with her friend.  It's about potatoes.  Her first post is very entertaining :)  I think she is a very talented writer: witty and smart.  Then again, I'm a biased critic since it is my favorite sister
 .

Monday Mommy Text

One reason why I love my mom is the silly text messages that she will send me from time to time.  They are totally random and cute.  Todays:

"Trying to walk in heels in park with dog, how did you do it?  Good luck studying." - Mom

"I anticipate the sinking heel and walk with weight bearing on my toes.  

Always aware of the possible sinking action." - Me

"Ha should have anticipated that." - Mom

It was just the right distraction from studying: quick and put a smile on my face.  <3 u mom

This upcoming midterm is freaking me out.  The last time I wrote any kind of test was just over 3 years ago.  It feels like all my studying skill are gone.  How can I remember six chapters worth of information?  It doesn't seem possible.  Once the midterm is over and I get my mark, I will feel a little better and less stressed. 

Speaking of feeling less stressed, over the lunch hour I took a nice walk around the downtown.  The fresh air and walking through the streets, past stores and parks always seems to calm me.  During the walk, I picked up tickets to The Ottawa Fashion show.  I'm really excited to be going.  I feel like I have let go most of my "arty" interests and allowed work to consume me.  It will be nice to see the show with a good friend.  

After the tickets, I sat for a little while in the park.  It's interesting how some trees are changing colours while others are still very green.

Late Night Class is Not Working Out

In class.

Attention span is minimal, so I multi-task.

Probably not the best approach

My Professor sounds & talks exactly like the Simpson's Professor Frink.  

It is beyond amusing at this point.

Chris is totally feeding into this by "naaahh-ing".

Every time he makes a geeky joke, I giggle not at the joke but the mental image of Professor Frink that continues to pop into my head.

I think my attention span deficiency is justified by a full day of work, topped off by a two hour union meeting, an hour long bus ride home and only a 30 minute break before my 3 hour class.... the day will be over at 11 p.m. Wah-Wah! I'll shut up now about my woes.

 

I have discovered a great fashion blog, which is located in Ottawa called Twenty York Street.  Je adore!  Living in Ottawa, I have always felt like the conservative style has taken over everything.  My closet has mostly black and gray-blah items.  This blog has given me hope that there is another world in my own backyard.  The fashion world to me, is like a dream I cannot really touch.  I wouldn't consider myself a "fashionista" but I love to watch Fashion TV, flip through magazines and read fashion blogs.  Hoping that a little bit of that fashion brushes off on me. Unfortunately being a typical Aquarius, I am prone to mismatching items and looking a little awkward.  So hence the black and gray items, because those are most likely to match. 

Trying to stay in school mode, but my attention span is shot.   Like I mentioned above.  Next class I sign up for, it will NOT be from 8-11 p.m.  All I want to do now is run upstairs, dust off my sewing machine and work on all my clothing projects that are half completed.  Not listen to Professor Frink.  This entry has taken way too long to write, interupted by note taking and phone call making.  

Going to wrap it up and try to pay attention to Frink for the next two hours...  

I don't wanna to go to school tomorrow

Back to school...

Well I guess one class really can't be classified as "back to school".  It's been three years since I've been out of college and working full time.  I'll still be working full time.  Not too sure when I will have time to be lazy again... I guess sometime around the winter holidays. 

 

My Monday morning started off with a super-sweet surprise from my office-mate. She bought me a cupcake recipe & decorating book.  I think it's her way of asking me to make more cupcakes. Baking & decorating treats is a quasi-hobby I picked up from my friend, Jaclyn.  She taught me how to make some adorable cupcakes. 

Made by Jaclyn & Me for Momma C

Made by me for my sister

Above three made by me for friends & family

Check out Jaclyn's cupcakes, they are way adorable!

The days seem to be going by so quick.  Outside is getting colder each morning.  I refuse to take out my fall sweaters, so my days are spent mostly in heated areas.  A big part of me is really hoping that the summer warmth returns soon to stay around for at least another week. 

 

Have I mentioned enough that I'm a little freaked about going back to school?  I feel like a little kid right now.  Today I battled a short attention span that only really wanted to focus on school and house.  The house thoughts are really exciting for me but school not so much.  It's not that I don't love learning, I do.  It's just the whole studying & testing part that I don't like. 

Oh well... if there's anyone out there with great study tips, I would be greatly appreciative.

Move in date is closing in fast. <3  Chris and I really cannot wait to get out of the apartment.  We are convinced our cute critters are at that point too.

Brain Dead from Florescent Lights

I've been a non-committal blogger.  There was no time this week to update y'all on what I've been up to... So here is a quick summary:

The work week just went by in a blur.  Whether it was the rainy weather or the florescent lights, I felt tired.  Before a staff meeting, I turned to a wonderful colleague of mine, just to inform her that  I was counting down untill nap time.  She giggled and nicely complimented me on my joke.  Sadly, I so was not kidding.  There was a 5 p.m. nap. 

Jaclyn's dad sent me these delicious peppers from his garden.  He really has a talent for growing yummy vegetables.  I have a talent for killing all plants that enter our home.  It's upsetting really, all death sentences I have given to undeserving flowers.  J's dad must teach me how to keep gardens alive.

Going to a university book store brought back unpleasant memories of how much text books cost.  Even though my parents were really kind to buy my books,  still those numbers on the receipt were worrisome.  I debated a friend's point that  sometimes texts are not used in class or that there are ones to borrow in the library. 

Buying the text book won out over fighting for the limited copies at the school's library.  

This coming week I will have my first class.  The back-to-school nerves have been building instead of fading over the past week.  I've enrolled into a class that sounds really interesting.  But studying was never a skill I performed well.  My attention span is way too short.  An example of that is my many hour plus long breaks from writing this entry. With studying, I'm concerned that I won't concentrate between the hours of work and other shit.   Urg...

Chris and I spent a pleasant evening with Momma C & family. A few nights later we caught up with his sister.   Tomorrow will be brunch with Mom, Dad & hopefully Ferris (the adorable pug).  There's very few family members that live in the same city.  So it's uncommon to have so many family gatherings in one week.

Resident Evil: Afterlife was awesome!  All the fans out there, go & see it!  I love the direction that they are going with the film series.  It's such an action-pack and exciting story.

There's less than two weeks until the big move.  Chris and I are both anxiously awaiting the day that we get to stop apartment living.  Most of our conversations surround the topics of renovations, landscaping, and decorating the new home.  It's so silly, but I'm addicted to the Home & Garden Network.  Does this make me old?  

We haven't begun to pack yet.  Most likely we will be spending a late night before the move, packing. & cleaning  That was our style the last move and I have a feeling it will happen this time too.  

So how do others usually sign off of these thing? ... Writing a blog is odd and confusing at times... Like, is there blog-etiquette? Does the closing line need to be witty or creative?  Hope all of you have a wonderful Saturday night! <3

Here Goes Nothing

Back to school. 

Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. 

I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. 

Ohhhh, back to school. 

Back to school. 

Back to school. 

Well, here goes nothing. - A.S., 1995 

The weekend that officially ends the summer season for all students... It's been three years, but I have returned to the student status.  After contemplating and talking shit about returning to school, I have finally enrolled in part time studies.  The plan is to get my major in psychology, with my diploma, I am five out of 20 credits there.  Thinking about returning to school makes me nervous.  Will I be able to remember how to study? To take notes in class? I keep having messed up dreams about missing exams and failing classes.  Its just my emotions taking over my mind... I know that, so I need to get a grip before September 15th when I have my first class. 

September will be a month of major life changes for me.  Moving into my first house, starting part time studies and taking on new responsibilities at work.  I have to keep myself in a positive state of mind in order to stay somewhat sane through all of this.  If I can't do that, I feel very sorry for Chris and all of my close friends who will have to put up with a lot of bitching.  At least I usually offer drinks during these bitch sessions unless the poor soul is on the phone (or Skype) with me.