Anxiety & Bloat

Day 17.  My stomach is killing me right now.

It's not because I ate all this candy.

Sadly, the Milkshake Whooper melted in the car.  But I'm happy to report that today was a full and fun day with the girls shopping in the USA and feasting at the Olive Garden.  All you can eat bread sticks and salad is a dangerous deal.   

This week I have tried super hard to eat three full and complete meals.  There's a few struggles 1) taking medication to eliminate the 'after eating bloated pain' and 2) remembering to eat. 

Lately it has been really hard for me to "blog".  

Sitting in front of the computer is an activity I used to enjoy.  I still do but not in the same way.  It's hard to come up with ideas of what to write about.  And I still hesitate in writing anything and everything that might pop into my mind as a possible post.  

This week has been okay.  

I'm fearful of gaining weight.  But that's a given.

Yesterday, I got my M1 and practiced handling the motorcycle at a slow speed in a parking lot. 

And today was a great girls day.  

My stomach feels like it's all torn up and has been stabbed.  Lesson somewhat learnt:  Next week I should take that damn medication before every meal.

That's really it for now.  

Happy weekend to all :)

Going to the Unknown

The last week has been a haze and I know that this little moment of calmness isn't going to last long.  As my family is sleeping, I feel wide awake so I steal my sister's MAC just to vent. Or stare mindlessly at the computer screen not knowing what to write about.  There has been so many changes in the last week but it really just boils down to one big change.

As of June 1, I am officially on leave from work.

Leave to heal.

There's a lot that I want to be able to do, things I know I will have to do but right now getting them down into concrete thoughts or even words is an impossible task.  I sit for hours on end with so much running through my mind but it feels like it's going too fast.  Nothing is sticking in my head. I begin to talk but end up going around in circles and then just stop.  Think.  But nothing.

There is some hope though.  And determination.  This time, I really do want to beat my eating disorder in the ass.  I want to push it out of my life and begin to love myself.  This sickness has taken my youth.  It has made me look and feel ill for most of my life.  I'm done with it.

I don't love myself now.  But I will.

Steamy Snowangels in Tremblant

I've been fairly MIA from blogging and the regular life schedule for two reasons: 1) a trip to Mont-Tremblant and 2) being knocked down with a head cold.  Some people who have already read this are probably things "WTF?!", well I'm still feeling like crap but determined to share my pictures from the Winter Wonderland trip.   The mucus covering my brain cells resulted in major dumbness and I cannot figure out how to upload the pictures from Flickr. So, I caved by coughing up the $5 to load pictures onto Blogger.

Walking Around the Village with Sister, Kat

Ski Bunnies & Snowboarding Babes

My Love, he was smart in telling me after the trip that he tried out the double black diamonds with his big brother (BTW thanks, Phil!) Maybe he wasn't that smart in telling me because I'll most likely natter at him to wear a helmet from now on.

A Ride on the Gandula

My Favorite Store in the Village

Way back, my great grandmother was Cree Native American.  I love this part of my heritage but regret being very naive and uninformed.  There are times when I will google Cree & native culture, legends and history but still feel like I know nothing about this part of my family's history.  

Steamy Snowangels

If you're interested in checking out more of my trip pictures just Click Here.

As some of you will notice, I went back to the old & original style of blogger commenting.  The other one was giving me too much trouble and some people mentioned difficulties with it.  I want to make commenting as easy as possible.  If you have any troubles or suggestions on how to vamp up commenting, feel free to drop me an email.

love (dot) ashelle @ yahoo (dot) com

Drifts & Fish Tails are all fun & games until....

Yesterday I made the trip out to Kingston on a day not fit for traveling.  I ignored my mom's plea to be safe and took the journey.  On the way up, there were four accidents.  The roads were horrible.  Being in a front heavy vehicle with extra large, all season tires made staying on the road a challenge.  Apparently our truck loves to fishtail with the occasional drift.  Eck! 

I made it to Kingston in one piece, only to have the truck nearly hit a lamp post on the street in which I spent my high school & college years living on.  It's fitting that I survive the highways just to plow into a snow bank on that particular street. 

The afternoon was spent with Jaclyn just being silly & drinking herbal tea brewed by the tea master (below right picture).  That little contraption was pretty amazing.  I got to get myself a tea pot with a built in loose tea leaf infuser.  

 

Jaclyn and I have been best friends since the first day of high school.  I was obnoxious and bossy by informing her that we would sit together since we had all the same classes. It worked out well.  Even though we now live two hours apart and only see each other on occasion, the times we spend together is always comfortable and fun. 

 

Trying out the sexy tea pouring look.. but I'm just looking tired with those lazy eyes.

In the evening, I stopped by to see my parents for dinner.  Of course I had to get a few shots of Ferris while I was there, but she refused to cooperate.  To get this one I had to taunt her with a bowl of chips. She isn't growling, I don't think she even knows how... the teeth are out because of an over-bite.  My mom says it's she "snaggle tooth".

Then there's Cleo.  She's a temper-mental Siamese cat, who I adore because no matter how much she meows, growls & hisses... she loves it when I cuddle with her.   But everyone who knows her will make a point to emphasize the "I-part" in that sentence.  Usually she doesn't like people.   There are a few people reading this who would have a story about how Cleo "attacked" them. But she's so tiny, harmless & uncoordinated due to her crossed eyes.  She also hates cameras because of the flash and always looks away or closes her eyes. 

The ride home last night was really bad.  I have to admit I was cocky during the day, while I fish tailed & drifted over the highway, the truck was still in my control (to an extent).  That cocky-ness is because Chris has taught me to do those types of tricks in empty parking lots.  Practicing in a more controlled enviornment gives you a sense of what to feel when the truck is sliding & drifting... you practice regaining control... so when it happens unexpectedly, it's not as scary.  However, I got freaked by the sixth accident between Kingston & Gan which is only a short 25 minute drive, which took about an hour.  

Reflecting, it was the same conditions... about the same amount of fish tails & drifts... just more accidents which scared me.  By the time I got home, there were eleven accidents that I  had witnessed in just over 3 hours. About three times more than traveling to Kingston.  Sad.  

I'm home and safe but tired. Today I plan on taking it super easy... lazy Sundays are the best.

Detroit New Years

Last night Chris and I got home just before 11:00 p.m. A huge sense of relief washed over as soon as we dropped the bags in our front hallway. Bags that are still in there needing to be unpacked... but that can wait.  In the last two weeks we have been home for only just a few days... I really missed our bed and babies (Jake & Hercules). 

On December 30th we made a trip up to Kingston to meet up with the rest of the family who was heading to Detroit.  It made more sense to car pool in Mama's van as opposed to taking separate vehicles. We left after midnight to make the nightlong trip to Detroit.  We decided on pulling an all-nighter because 1) Mama did a night shift and was ready at 11:00 p.m. 2) we wanted to avoid Toronto traffic which we would of hit if we left in the morning and 3) the earlier we left meant more time to shop. 

We arrived in Detroit just as the sun began to rise on New Years Eve.  Since we wanted to be nice to the family who invited us over, we took a walk around the neighborhood to kill time before we knocked on the door.  However, unknown to us, the youngest brother, Ant decided to sneak into the house to wake up the family.  As Chris and I were heading up to the door after our walk, we heard screams coming from the house.  Ant woke up his darling cousin by scaring the shit out of her... ahh, the family fun began early. 

New Years Eve was spent with the family.  During the day we shopped and I loved all of the deals that the malls had to offer.  That night we ate, drank and looked through old slides from the grandparents.  It was fun to see baby pictures of Chris's aunts and uncles and the progression of the family.  I was impressed with the everyone who pulled an all-nighter and was able to stay awake to party.  Me, I stuck to water after the mandatory glass of champagne because lack of sleep and booze equals me falling asleep on the floor.  

{coat - Sirens/black skinny - Smart Set/shoes - Spring/scarf - Paris, present from Sister's travels/purse - Forever 21}

We kicked off January 1st, 2011 with a nice long walk around the neighborhood.  Most of the family agreed that a good remedy for hang overs is fresh air & light exercise.   As you can see, I got my walking shoes on... Just have to watch out because Phoenix loves to tangle up people.

 

Being just a block away from the Detroit River is really nice, we walked along the river for about 30 minutes.  Most of us were dreaming about owning one of the beautiful homes that were along the river.  One day I would love to live close to water.

The homes in this neighborhood were beyond beautiful and ridiculously large.  We all joked about which one we would buy, along with the boats and cars which are all out of our financial reach at this moment.  But it's nice to dream.

My favorite houses were the one which looked like a stone castle, for the obvious reason that it looks like a fairy tail.  I'm a sucker for those princess & prince love stories.   *sigh*

The ivy that wrapped around this tree was amazing, it added a mystical feel to this house.

It was a beautiful walk which was followed with more shopping.  Later that night all of the cousins played ping-pong and talked shit until late into the night.  Ping-pong is not my game (especially after a beer or two)  and all of us got our asses handed to us by Auntie Joan.  Only a few stayed up until the sun rose, Chris was one of those few, me... no way, 5 a.m. is way past my bed time. 

Detroit was fun.  There was so much more that we wanted to see: Urban Gardens, Ford Museum,  downtown, walk down 8 Mile and the Motown Museum... all of which will have to happen with another trip.